Not to me. Oh, no, no. I know that some day, for some reason, he'll be knocked to his knees. Whether it's a break up, or a death, or an illness, it will happen. When it does, I hope he finds his way back to Christ.
While sitting in court today, I noticed that he looks broken. He looks lost. Maybe it was just me hoping that he is, but whether or not he thinks he's lost...he is. He's lost in the worst way, in a way that even I couldn't hope for. He's wandered away from God and his Son in a very serious way. When that day comes when he crumbles, I hope that he's smart enough to find Him again. As much as I dislike Richie, and the task of ever forgiving him seems daunting, I'm afraid for him.
As horrible as this experience has been for me, it has bred positives. I am closer to Christ than I ever have been in my life, I'm closer to my children, and I know that I'm not alone. Even on my darkest day, I am never alone.
I have stood absolutely humbled by just how great people can be. In a world where it seems like there aren't any good people left, I've found them. People I have never met are praying for me. And thank God they are, because there have been moments when I couldn't physically stand. There were moments, days, and even weeks when I was convinced that my heart would give out, or I would just stop breathing. Breathing was actually hard. There have been times when I have felt the prayers. I honestly believe that in those moments there must have been a large number praying at once, because I was picked up and put on solid ground.
I hope that one day he will know what true love is. I pray that he will find Christ again, and that my children will share heaven with their Dad one day. As the father of my children I love him too much to wish anything less.